We're going to try this TV recap thing again since I have sort of time for shit. We shall see.
Anywho. No more extra-special-guests taking turns with
"Little Boxes" which I'm sort of okay with. Extra time for the episode when our opening credits are all of two seconds long, consisting of a quick shot of cars waiting at the border with "Weeds" on one of the traffic signs. Whoop-dee-doo.
We open with Nancy putting on lipstick with wet hair and a super short-short dress. She digs for a bag to presumably find a hairdryer. She finds this super ancient looking silver thing that she plugs in and turns on only to discover its some sort of prehistoric vibrator that belongs to Bubbie. Ew.
She goes downstairs to find Shane banging on another bathroom door yelling at Silas who is watering his pot plants in the shower. She tells Silas to get the plants out of the house because "We don't shit where we eat...or eat where we shit. Either way, words of wisdom." There's some argument between the boys which ends with Shane telling Silas to "suck his dick." Shane wants to go with Nancy today, but she doesn't need any help "buying a bedskirt." She tells Shane "You just told your brother to suck your dick. Gross!"
Downstairs, Nancy, Andy, and Lenny are chatting. Lenny says he'll not mention or question what they're running from for 300 bucks. Nancy gives it to him, and he skips off gleefully. Nancy tells Andy she's going to meet Guillermo. You know, burned-down-Agrestic/Majestic, Guillermo. Yay. Andy tells her to have a good day at the office as she leaves.
In jail: Celia meets with her public defender who gets her confused with another potential convict. Good feelings there! The PD tells Celia there's little chance of her getting out before trial. Celia cannot believe she is such a threat to society, but the public defender is quite nice to point out: "Anti-drug crusader caught with a grow house? You're fucked like a stray dog in Chinatown." Very subtle!
Nancy pulls into some garage where Guillermo and his buddies are hanging out. Guillermo knocks out one of her tail lights with a bat and tells her he will give her $10,000 to go into Mexico to have the tail light fixed and pick him up some inhalers. She asks questions, but is stopped when Guillermo declares that the "money doesn't like it when you ask questions." His buddy sticks a bobble-head Jesus on her dashboard, and she's ready to go!
Back at Bubbie's, Lenny is giving the boys instructions on how to care for their invalid great-grandmother while he goes to the track. Awesome. He leaves with the parting words that if Bubbie dies on their watch, it's their fault. He also tells them to check her diapers for "diposits." Ew. He also tells them that when Andy returns, to let him know that he is to reimburse Lenny for any food he eats, and he still owes Lenny $20,000. Lenny leaves, Bubbie farts, and Silas leaves Shane with first watch. Ew.
Back to jail! Doug and Isabelle are visiting Celia, who is completely chola'd out. Gelled hair, barrel-curls, dark lip liner and penciled-in eyebrows. Awesome. Doug is rambling on merrily about some sort of all-you-can eat restaurant and he and Isabelle are wearing some sort of weirdo lei thingies. Celia is in tears and declares that her new look is thanks to her cellmate, Cheetah, who wants to make Celia her "special girl." Doug says she's safer in than out. The community is pissed at her and even spray painted "hypocrite" on the charred remains of her house. Isabelle almost softens at her mother's fear, and states that she really does look scared. Time's up, and Celia is drug away crying for them to help her and how she doesn't want to be anyone's special girl. I snicker.
In Mexico, Nancy pulls into some funky looking garage which I assume is the place Guillermo sent her to. She gets out of the car and speaks some pretty shitty spanish then finally asks if anyone speaks english. One guy does, and she explains she needs a tail light and Guillermo sent her. He tells her one hour. She asks for directions to a pharmacy since the other reason she's in Mexico is to get him some inhalers. After the spanish-speaking guys start arguing about where to send her, the nicer english-speaking guy sent her on her way. Off she goes, and they shut the doors behind her.
Andy and Silas are in the van bitching and tending to the plants that were banished from the house. Silas asks about the 20 grand, and Andy tells him he's better off not having a dad. After taking a bong hit, he takes back the mean comment.
Nancy returns to the shop yelling "Hola!" which sounds really really stupid coming out of her mouth. She found even though she dropped Guillermo's name at any given moment, she is still being charged $30 for the tail light. She pays the guy, and he takes her bags and puts them in the trunk for her, in the spare tire compartment. She asks what she's supposed to do now, and the guy replies "Go home." Duh, Nancy.
Waiting in line at the border, she finds she has a two hour wait ahead of her. People are walking along the lines selling crap. She asks one guy if he has a Diet Coke, and he does not. All he has are Jarritos. Not even diet Jarritos at that. She spies another vendor with lattes and nearly craps herself. She buys some crap from the first guy to get change for her $50 bill, and gets her iced latte.
Later, after telling her Jesus-bobble-head to chill, she sees the drug dog making a pass at her car. After a few tense moments, the dog moves on to the car behind her. Phew!
Still later, (its two hours, you know!) Nancy notices a kid in the next car practically salvating at her eating a bag of nuts so she offers him a bag. His mother slaps him and shuts the window. She realizes she has to pee, so she asks the vendor about bathrooms, which there aren't any. So she shimmies to the backseat with her empty latte cup. She tells the kid to turn around and he shakes his head. Creepy kid. She tells him to enjoy the show and neatly pees into her cup. Meanwhile, her car/GPS/phone thingy rings, and it says Shane is calling. She struggles to the front again with her cup-o-pee and answers. Shane reports to her that Celia is in jail, and we see Shane struggling to put one of great-grandma Bubbie's diapers in a diaper genie. Ew. He also tells Nancy how Celia is planning on ratting everyone out. As he's starting to tell Nancy that he thinks they should change their identities, Nancy hangs up...because a border guard is approaching. He tells Nancy to get her passport ready. Nancy yells "FUCK!" as he walks away because she does not have a passport. Awesome.
Now we are at the border, and she is telling them why she doesn't have a passport - she didn't know. And why was she in Mexico? Getting a cream for her awesome awesome skin. Because you know, its the first thing people see! Gah, Nancy is usually pretty smooth, but this sucks. The guard asks about her pee cup, pops the trunk, takes a look....then sends her to the second inspection area. Damn.
Back to Lenny's. Andy gets off the phone and reports that Doug says everyone had fingered Celia. Then giggled, which meant he was stoned. But Doug is always stoned, so they can trust what he's said. Nice. Lenny returns from the track sour - he lost the $300 Nancy had given him that morning. Andy messes with him about this until he launches into the "August 14, 1983" story where he'd picked the "trifecta" or, three winning horses, and sent Andy and Judah with $100 to put down for him. Andy kept the money, bought a toy, and told Lenny that he'd lost, even though he would've won. They start yelling about What Would Judah Do and how Bubbie had told him to do it, ad nauseum until Shane yells that Bubbie is trying to say something. Lenny removes a tube, and she rasps something. Andy think she said something about Target. But Lenny says its Yiddish, and it means "Kill me." Double damn.
Back to the border. Nancy is sitting behind the line like a good girl, while her stuff's being rummaged. She asks one guard if she thinks she's smuggling a "little tiny immigrant" in her lipstick. Border guard is not amused. I don't think any of them are ever amused. Somewhere by the car, a guard declares he's "got this one" and gleefully demands to know why she has drugs in her car. And by drugs, he means the inhalers. Like she's smuggling pot! Gah! Who would do that?
Back at Guillermo's garage, Nancy says the guards didn't find a thing, even after ripping the car to shreds. "Its in the engine, right?" she asks, and Guillermo doesn't answer. He's pissed that she lost the inhalers, they are expensive here and he needs them. He slams Bobble-Head Jesus onto the table in front of Nancy and declares that there's a camera in there, and they're gonna watch the video of her dealing with the border guards. Kinda like Celia's pink bear fromt he first season! I get it. Heh. Anyways, Nancy is pissed that this whole thing was not about pot, that it actually WAS about her getting the tail light fixed and getting the inhalers back. Guillermo then asks if she thinks the guys who flew the planes into the World Trade Center had never flown a plane before. You gotta practice, Nance! Eek. Anyways, he's feeling nice, so he gives her half the ten grand even though she lost the inhalers.
Back to jail again. Celia is still rockin' the chola, but this time has a giant bruise to go with the tears. Ouch. Now I'm starting to feel for the old bitch. Detective guy comes in and picks up the phones and states he's starting to believe her. He holds up a photo of two people. Those people are Nancy and Guillermo, standing atop the hill watching Agrestic/Majestic burn. Uh-oh. Black screen, music, credits, done.
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A big fat thank you to
Drunken Bee over at
Television Without Pity for the completely awesome recap to jog my memory on a few points that my overly tired brain forgot all about. I love that site! Go visit and be happy. Also want to thank
TWoP for the lovely Nancy picture I used.
